Dear Santa,

      I have had some moments in the past year and yes I have been naughty a time or two but don't you want to rethink things a little? I know a good many folk who have been more naughty than I have and they got some really nice things for Christmas. I mean my family out gifted you by a long shot. Heck, even my friends beat the stew out of you. I would expect a lump of coal or a bundle of switches but dude I am not an axe murderer. I bet even jackwagons like that subway dude did better for Christmas than I did. So I am going to do the best with what you have given me and try to be good this year. But next year could you please not give me cancer? I have enough to deal with and this is a real drag.